Under the Chewy Pink Boot

If the official Candy Kingdom propaganda program Adventure Time is to believed, the figure known as Princess Bubblegum is a benevolent ruler, gently guiding her candy “children” through strong leadership and scientific can-do. She’s fun-loving when it’s useful, stern when necessary, and ha a sparkly sense of style, Bubblegum looks the very ideal of a good leader. But how much is really known about her?

Her title of “Princess” raises multiple questions. From where does she claim her royalty? Does she age? How did she gain dominion over the Candy Kingdom and how does she maintain her control? And what right allows the continuance of her reign? These basic inquiries have no answers. Is Bubblegum afraid of what the release of this information will provoke in her citizens? Has she conspired to cover all this up?
Part of her control is maintained through technical know-how. Some will say that expertise bestows a measure of legitimacy. She’s the smartest and the brightest. Surely she can develop the Kingdom to its highest potential right? Setting aside the problems inherent to a technocracy, a closer look at her supposedly innovational track record brings to light a few cracks.

Not widely known is the development of the Kingdom’s current police state. One of the Princess’s actions in the halcyon days of candy-dom was to create a group of elite guards colloquially termed Rattleballs. Their moral programming was so binary and their tactics were so brutal, that the candy prisons quickly swelled to reprehensible levels.  In an ironic twist, the squads were soon useless, and, coded for nothing else, were liquidated for recycling purposes. The lesson of the Rattleballs is clear: even the most loyal are unsafe from the brunt of Bubblegum’s sticky fist.

The extinct corps’ organic cousins are the current Banana Guards. While nicer than their forebears, this is more due to general incompetence and cowardice than any decree from our Lady’s confectionary tower. Also related are the towering Gumball Guardians. These sentinels seem successful, but, while they may work in last-ditch push-backs, their design is terribly misguided. For Glob’s sakes, the sentries’ brains are encased in glass. A slingshot-pebble to the head is capable of incapacitating them.

Another, sadder story is obscured by these foibles. Generalissimo Gum is willing to mobilize a shameful amount of resources to build a military/prison-industrial complex instead of creating a candy safety-net for candies who, through no fault of their own, fall through the candy cracks.

Our dear leader’s foreign policy is ineffective, inhumane, and highly illegal. Hypocritical rhetoric is employed to justify the mucking about in other Kingdoms. Typically this is done with the help of the unbound-by-law vigilantes known as Finn and Jake (yes the same two “heroes” featured in Adventure Time). Claims of “spreading civilization,” “keeping our kingdom safe,” and “ending oppression” are frequent whenever she acts in the Fire Kingdom. That last statement is a joke, considering the massive surveillance apparatus that dutifully watches over all candy residents and her suppression of Princess Cookie’s revolt.

The Flame Princess was imprisoned for years with Candy Kingdom technology based on shoddy dossiers claiming she was “unstable”. This allowed the Flame King to continue his despotic reign unchallenged. It also directly contributed to the defection of Cinnamon Bun from his homeland in order to support the fiery heir’s coup.

Finally, there are whispers from Bubblegum’s inner circle that far darker doings are afoot. While the extent of their relationship has been kept cloudy, Bonnibel is chummy with Marceline the Vampire Queen (daughter of Night-O’-Sphere overlord Hunson Abadeer). Intense speculation has been brewing around right-hand man Peppermint Butler’s activities. Rumors indicate that he is a practitioner of the black arts and close friends with Death. What does the nature of Bubblegum’s company say about her? In times of extreme duress, Frau Preebs has been known to start exclaiming in a dead language called German. Long before the Mushroom Wars, legend tells of a tyrant who did the same.

The myths that Dictator P.B. has carefully cultivated around herself are a lie. I hope this report will be the first shot in ending them.

It's Still 2014 Right?...Right?: The Homesman

Directed by Tommy Lee Jones
Written by Tommy Lee Jones, Kieran Fitzgerald, and Wesley A. Oliver adapting Glendon Swarthout’s Novel
Starring Tommy Lee Jones (George Briggs) and Hilary Swank (Mary Bee Cuddy)
Cinematography by Rodrigo Prieto
Edited by Roberto Silvi
Released in 2014

Tommy Lee Jones’ second work has put me in a weird place. I can list off the qualities that make The Homesman a unique exercise in the western genre, but I can’t say that the film was satisfying and neither can I say why that is so. I walked out with more of a “well that was interesting” shrug than any strong thoughts or feelings positive or negative. Oh well, I’ll try to clarify what The Homesman does well and see if that leads to any concrete conclusions. 

Westerns have always been set in desolate locales. Even ones that take place in towns are separated from civilization or feature the creeping edge of civilization as a major theme. Often this isolation is kept to a general pall hanging over the film. Sometimes the hard-bitten landscapes will directly affect the characters that walk through them, like in The Searchers where the harshness of the surroundings shreds Ethan Edwards' psyche. Rarely have I seen vistas as barren, as lonely, as flat, and as boring as those in The Homesman. Swank’s Cuddy and Jones’ Briggs are required to deliver three insane women from Nebraska territory to Eastern Iowa. Once they set out, there are no changes in elevation and seeing a tree is like striking gold. Scene after scene consists solely of Cuddy and Briggs’ wagon slowly, agonizingly clunking along. It's constant creaking, a warning that it may fall apart at any second. Watching it all places the viewer in a blank state, like the hypnosis induced by driving through the Midwest times ten. 

As indicated by the setup, the position of women in the hierarchy of the western territories is a main concern. Why the three women are/become unstable remains unclear. Most likely, it's a combination of spousal abuse and neglect and mental illness. This goes back to my earlier comments about the scenery. The film shows that frontier life was so stacked with hardship and so removed from normal human contact that going insane was a sane response. Even Cuddy, who has managed to eke out a small measure of stability, quickly starts to fracture due to loneliness and stress. Briggs has developed the perfect persona to survive on the prairie. Loopy when it is advantageous for him to appear weak, spitfire mean and coldhearted when he has to face down an adversary, and sympathetically weary when he needs to quickly get through a standard human interaction. All things considered, his irrationality seems entirely rational

The focus on women's hardships and the mind-breaking struggle of homesteader life, both ably communicated through the cinematography, should provide plenty to ponder. The main reason I'm less than positive on The Homesman is due to certain turns that take place in the latter half. I’ll refrain from getting too specific. I think the purpose is to wrinkle the direction the story had been going up to that point. Unfortunatly, the later developments are more confusing and muddling than complicating.